Meg the goood egg

Hi lol

I’ve been out of action basically since creating this page for two main reasons –

1. crazy busy work life
2. (and more importantly) mentally all over the place for the past few months.

I’d be lying if I said I was feeling back to normal. But with the new year just around the corner I’m viewing it as a new opportunity to really start things over on a clean slate – and hopefully banish the things that the annoying little person in my head has been making me feel recently.

Now that Christmas is over, I got to thinking about the whirlwind of a year that 2018 has been. Yesterday I said to my Mum that I think this has been the weirdest year of my life so far – filled with some of the worst and also some of the best things that have ever happened to me. I had a long think about whether I’d share some of these things – I was thinking it could be an overshare but then I also thought OH WELL. If it is overshare, feel free not to read. Mine aren’t the biggest problems in the world, nor are they exclusive to me (a lot of people will have dealt with similar or identical things before) but any problem shared is a problem halved, right? More to the point, other people around you could be struggling with similar things so sharing the things that have been going on could help someone else as well as myself. Like I said, my problems aren’t unique (specifically, losing a pet, losing a relationship, and missing friends) so I suppose it is quite likely that many people can relate. So, without further ado, let me talk you through my year – the good and the bad.

1. February
   I lost my best friend and companion – our dog, Bert. If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard someone say “it was just a dog” this year… well, I wouldn’t need a lottery ticket, that’s for sure. If you’re one of those people, pardon my bluntness but… SOD OFF. For starters, that ‘just a dog’ was better than most humans I’ve ever met and just having him around as my friend made life seem a lot easier. Tuesday was my first Christmas without him since I was 8 (I’m now 8 + 15 years old – so that’s a lot of Christmas’s) and, boy, it was tough. It’s almost a year now since we lost him and it still hurts to think I’ll never get to have another cuddle with him. But I was lucky to have grown up with such a perfect, lovable, doting member of the family. I can categorically put the day we lost him down as the worst day of my life so far – and yet, I can’t think about that day without thinking of the two definite silver linings. First, I was in the highlands on a field trip when we were told the vets didn’t know if he would make it through the night… so one of my lecturers drove me from where we were on the field trip to Dundee train station so I could at least try to get home for him. That restored my faith in humanity – and that person will never understand how grateful I am to them even now. Second, I made it back in time (just) to say goodbye. I arrived at the vets at 6:50, and at 7:20 Bert lifted his head, looked up at our family, placed his head in my hands and let himself go peacefully. I’ll never stop being thankful that I was able to get there in time to see him go. After an almost 3 hour train journey of trying to stop myself from crying, I at least got to see him one last time properly. We were able to write in a tribute book at the crematorium and I wrote “You’ve always been an angel… Now you’ve got your wings” – and I’ve honestly never said anything truer.
2. May
   Break up of a three year relationship. The classic break up blues hit like a ton of bricks. I have since decided that it is actually harder to be the dumper than to be the dumpee… due to having the angst of not wanting to hurt a person who means a lot to you, the months of turmoil (…did I do the right thing?… One minute I’m telling myself… “Yes, of course you did” and then… *2 weeks later* “Omg, no you didn’t you’ve ruined everything” *2 weeks later* “Nah, you did the right thing” *2 weeks later* “Omg, everything was so much better when you were in that relationship” *2 weeks later* “Lmao no it wasn’t, that relationship made you act like a bitch and also you got fat” *2 weeks later* “But maybe being chubby and a bitch isn’t so bad because at least I wouldn’t feel lonely” *2 weeks later* “Lol who’s lonely? Work is so busy you don’t even have time to remember his name, babe” *2 weeks later* “But now it’s the school holidays and I have nothing to preoccupy me and now I feel like I’m still in love with him again” *2 minutes later* “Here, have some wine” *2 minutes later* “That’s better” —— then restart the whole process of second guessing my own damn decision)
   So, yeah… you get the gist. My official explanation of why it is harder to be the dumper… add to that them getting into a new relationship within 3/4 months (which stung like a bee wrapped in nettles) – BUT I must add the new relationship is with someone with the same name as me, studying the same subject I did at university which I will NEVER not find hysterical.
   I went through the whole feeling bitter about it, feeling like I hated him when it was all new – I mean, it is weird having your recent ex be in a new relationship, whether you thought it would be or not. I knew the boy would move on fast because of past knowledge of him, but nothing quite prepares you for the feeling of it actually happening. I had the whole pretending I was fine episode, like I wasn’t bothered. But recently I admitted to myself that I wasn’t fine and that it was strange and I didn’t like it and that, yes, I did still feel things for him. But having done that has helped me HEAPS. Since I stopped lying to myself about how it was making me feel, I feel like I’ve actually taken many leaps forward. Of course, Christmas was a bit strange because last year he spent it with me and my family AND I had my lovely boy Bert with me – two big changes. But I was able to appreciate what a great family I have and all the support I have had from them during this 7 month long emotional rollercoaster.
   But yes, since I stopped lying to myself about it, I feel as though I have actually found peace with the situation. I’ve stopped caring about whether or not I did the right thing in leaving him – it is what it is. Either way, it can’t be changed. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason so everything must work out for the best. From the bottom of my heart I can say I feel no ill-well towards him or his new girlfriend – quite the opposite. I wish them all the best and hope they can make each other happier than he and I ever made each other – because everyone deserves that. So now I can happily let this break up and entire episode of emotional turmoil stay anchored firmly in 2018 as I move into 2019. And for the first time in a long time I can truly say I feel okay about it – perhaps even goood.
   Just don’t let me go anywhere near another relationship until the next ice age lol.
3. June
   GraduYAYtion! Okay! So now moving onto the more positive instalments of 2018. Graduated from the University of St. Andrews with an MA in Geography. My relationship may have broken down a month earlier BUT I graduated from a fantastic place surrounded by THE BEST friends and the MOST WONDERFUL family. Like seriously… who knew a bunch of people could be so perfect. Somehow 4 full years of being within a 20 minute walk of all of my closest (university) pals wasn’t enough and now I miss them ALL – another reason I think the failed relationship has taken so long to move on from (not having my buddies beside me *geographically*). Graduation was bittersweet I suppose in that it was a pride I’ve never felt for myself before, but also marked the end of a unique period of my life with lots of people I was fortunate to have met – and many of whom I will hopefully be fortunate enough to have as friends for the rest of my life.
4. September
   PGCE – Postgraduate Certificate in Education. I started training for my dream job – and, damn, has it been a dream. HARD WORK!!!!! But I have loved every second so far – even the morning I went back into school after being off for a week with a kidney infection and had the worlds biggest emotional meltdown. I’m convinced there is nothing more pure than a) dogs as a species and b) the mind of a child – and I’ve been lucky to have spent lots of my year with both dogs (namely, my sisters puppy) and the incredible children in school. They seem to have an incredible knack for cheering me up without even trying, just by saying something accidentally funny or just being astounded by the simplest of things, which is always wholesome to see. I’ve had ups and downs over the past few months – and I can guarantee that most of the highs have been to do with the most incredible job I get to do every day.

I guess in a way you could say 2 sad (?) and 2 happy things cancel each other out. I’m grateful for the good that 2018 has brought. I will always, always miss my friend Bert until the day I die. He was a true legend and losing a being as brilliant as him (whether he was “just a dog” or not) is true heartache that will stay with me for life. There hasn’t been one day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about him or longed to have one last hug or have him there while I cry, just staring at me and giving me the silent comfort I need. And there won’t be a day for the rest of my life that he isn’t on my mind. That amazing being gave me more in just 14.5 years than I could ever even begin to explain. And I suppose losing Bert puts the break up into perspective. That kind of heartache passes – relationships are a) replaceable and b) not that great anyway in my opinion lol – or perhaps I just haven’t had good experiences of them. But anyway, a quote from one of my favourite films (About a boy) sums up how I feel about that relationship breakdown now:

“I don’t think couples are the future. You need more than that. You need backup.” 

So, for 2019, I’m going to focus on myself and how to make myself happy – with the help of the backup I have in my friends and family.

Love from,

Meg (the goood egg) x

When I first set my mind to writing the “About Meg (the goood egg)” section of this blog, I thought I would open it by saying “I’m just an ordinary 20-something”… but that got me thinking – what is ordinary? What is it that makes me ordinary? The fact I live in a semi-detached house in the suburbs? No. For many people that is not ‘ordinary’. The fact I went to school, have a loving family around me, moved away for university, have a love of reading and writing, have had 24 goldfish, three rabbits, one guinea pig, six hamsters and one dog in my 23 years on the planet? No, no, no, no, and also, no. While that is my ‘ordinary’, it certainly is not everyone’s.

I’ll refine that point with the following story. In summer of 2017, I visited the Norwegian Fjords on a cruise. The ship docked in a place called Flåm, we boarded a tour bus, drove off and stopped at a hotel nestled away in the mountains. We walked through the hotel, out of the back door and were greeted with this view:

“THIS IS EXTRAORDINARY!” I thought to myself.

I then realised the hotel staff were going about their business as usual, paying no attention to the view in front of them. How on earth, I thought, do they get any work done when this view is here? And I answered my own question by realising that they see this day in day out. It is their ordinary! Everyone’s idea of ordinary is different.

So I thought to myself, can anyone truly say they are ‘ordinary’? I concluded that I, for one, cannot. Not because I think I’m particularly extraordinary – I certainly don’t spend my spare time wearing a cape and rescuing people in trouble with my super powers. But because every one of us has the ability to do extraordinary things that often times we don’t even appreciate as being so.

I’ll give you an example. A few months ago, I saw a homeless man sat at the side of the street. It was a busy Saturday afternoon on that street, and dozens upon dozens of people walked past the man every minute. I thought I would stop and ask him if he needed any food or something to drink. He looked at me like I’d just asked him if he’d seen a giraffe wearing a sombrero riding a unicycle, before saying he’d love a sandwich and a coffee. So I went off, got him what he’d asked for and took it back to him. He thanked me, I gave him a few extra coins that I had in my pocket and went on my way. When I think about it now, all those other people who had walked past and awkwardly avoided eye contact or pretended they hadn’t seen the man were doing what was ‘ordinary’ in that situation. Alright, it’s not like I solved world hunger, but because I didn’t follow what everyone else was doing, I did something extraordinary – no matter how minor the gesture was in the long run. I think we all need to start realising that we can do extraordinary things on the most ordinary of days, in the simplest of ways. In that way:

“Every single ordinary person has an extraordinary story” – Cecelia Ahern

All too often, when we think of extraordinary people, we think of celebrities – people who may have some talent or other but often times have had a lucky break, which many other equally talented individuals have not been fortunate enough to have. I’m not saying many celebrities aren’t extraordinary in their own right – I’m merely saying I refuse to believe that only those who have had their lucky break are extraordinary.

On Sunday 9th September 2018, I walked the Great North Run. I did so with my Mum who has Multiple Sclerosis. From mile 6 she struggled, and myself and her friend supported her (literally) through the remaining 7.2 miles, suggesting several times she ought to stop and no one would judge her. But she didn’t. Her determination to finish was extraordinary. As I walked along, holding onto my Mums arm as I frog-marched her along the road, I looked at the thousands of people around me, all giving up their Sunday to participate in a gruelling half marathon in order to raise money for charity. It was amazing. Sure, Jeffrey who just ran passed me might be a sales assistant, Tracey who we passed at mile 5 might be a teacher, Susan just in front of us might be a receptionist – they might all see themselves as completely ‘ordinary’ people – yet here they are doing this extraordinary thing (and I’ll bet you most of them were straight back into work the next morning feeling as stiff as a board, which is exceptional in itself!) Yes, it is Extraordinary (with a capital E) that Mo Farah finished the thing in under an hour – but let’s not forget all those who finished it in more triple that time and yet achieved something as equally Extraordinary for themselves.

When I really think about it, I am surrounded by people who may be viewed as ‘ordinary’ (whatever that is!) but who are constantly doing extraordinary things. Try to realise when you do something extraordinary – no matter how seemingly small and insignificant it may be in the long run.

Take this quote:

“Never love anyone who treats you like you are ordinary” – Oscar Wilde 

.., and think to yourself, ‘If I shouldn’t love someone who treats me ordinary, why should I treat myself as ordinary?!”

The title of this post is a quote from Jimmy Johnson, which I have had pinned on my bedroom wall for longer than I can remember. Today, and every day, give that little extra.

Love from, Meg (the goood egg) x

For a long time now, I’ve have wanted to start my own blog. Like many others I know who have considered blog writing, I put myself off for too long, telling myself people wouldn’t care about what I had to say. But due to recent circumstances, I began to write letters to one of my closest friends. Alongside being able to give my friend support and encouragement with my writing, I realised what a great release it could be for myself. Writing to my friend became a part of my daily routine and I found myself feeling happier and calmer just because I had a proper outlet for my musings. And so I told myself – “Start that blog you’ve wanted to start for God knows how long!!! So what if no one cares what you have to say? Do it for yourself!”

The late, great Robin Williams coined the quote that titles this post. I imagine at one time Williams was asked what he really hoped to achieve with mere words and ideas. Clearly, he believed that with his own words and ideas he could alter and improve the world we live in, and I for one believe he achieved that in his own way.

My intention with writing on this blog, however, is not to move mountains. I wholeheartedly buy into Williams’ view that we can change the world with words and ideas and believe me, if I could positively impact the world as a whole with my words and thoughts, that would be simply incredible. But if what I have to say on my blog is meaningful or inspiring to just one person, I will have achieved what I set out to do. I want to use words – quotes, poetry, stories and my own written experiences – to reach people and highlight important lessons I think we all ought to hear. As an average 20-something, my words may not be particularly special, but as I have the power of words and the privilege of education behind me, why not try to use my own life experiences, feelings and beliefs to help, support, inspire or even just entertain others?

Today, and every day, use your words and your ideas to do wonderful things. Who knows, perhaps you could change the world… or you could change just one persons world. And in the same way, maybe I won’t change the world with what I have to say here, but maybe… I can change one little corner of the internet.

Love from Meg (the goood egg) x

If you’re reading this then you’ve found your way to my blog! A hearty welcome to you.  Love from Meg (the goood egg) x

“A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer